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Real Housewives of New Jersey, an example for us all

Last night was a must anticipated episode of the RHONJ. I read the tweets live as they were happening, read recaps and comments and I have come to this startling conclusion. We identify with the cast of RHONJ for a number of reasons. Some good, some bad, but we identify with the characters demonstrated and respond according to our own experiences.

Now, I will come right out and say from the very first episode I have had a problem with Teresa. I can honestly say, that while Teresa's behavior is an extreme, I have had friends and family members similar to Teresa and I cannot tolerate her behavior.

So, the main highlight of this episode that everyone seemed to be waiting for is, Joe Guidice speaking on a phone to what is assumed to be his girlfriend (he is married to Teresa), calls his wife a few words women do not appreciate being called starting with a B and a C. We then see Teresa rushing over to Joe to demand to know who he is talking to and he lies and starts speaking in Italian. She is desperate to... I don't know, maybe to pretend everything in the marriage is still okay and tries to get her husband to have sex with her in front of everyone else on the trip, in the vineyard and he says he doesn't want to. Oh, yes, this is with full mic and camera watching.

To say Teresa is desperate is an understatement. She is past desperate, she has moved on to delusional, narcissistic, passive/aggressive, aggressive, manipulative, resorts to lying, holds grudges, brings up past issues to reinstate angry feelings, and has a weird 'attraction' to her brother. Yes, I must also add her parenting skills are extremely poor, her relationship with her husband is at minimum verbally abusive, she cannot have a real relationship with anyone without her being the center of the relationship at all times and that unfortunately upsets the abilities of others to actually tolerate her for any length of time.

That is not to say that Melissa, Kathy, Jacqueline, Carolina, Albie, Christopher, Chris, Al, Joe Gorga, Joe Guidice, Ashlee, Lauren, and Greg don't all have their own issues and oddities. However, Teresa is the one that demands the spotlight on her at all times.

Now, Melissa, whether her "thank you Jesus" are serious or not, at least she makes reference that there is someone higher in the world than she is and after the Teresa show, it is nice to see. I don't care if she can actually sing, has 'fake' breasts, or is secretly trying to bring Teresa down, Melissa has demonstrated in numerous conversation attempts with Teresa to educate Teresa that she may in fact contribute to the problems she has with everyone.   Now, Melissa is telling Teresa the same things that Jacqueline told Teresa and Caroline told Teresa and Kathy told Teresa. She is telling her them in a more direct but 'nice' approach. I like that. You can understand the message Melissa is giving Teresa even if Teresa cannot.

Now, Jacqueline is that type of person that wants to like everyone and wants to give everyone a chance. Look at the abuse she received from her daughter. Yes, Ashlee treated her mother like crap and while many believe that Jacqueline is a horrible mother, at 18 Ashlee should have been in college or on her own. If she could not treat her mother and step father with respect, then she would have been told to leave immediately. Where she ended up was up to her. So, I don't know how many parents would give Ashlee so many chances to straighten up, but if you think you are old enough to tell your mother off, you are old enough to be a big girl on your own. Jacqueline has shown us the same issues with saying goodbye to Teresa. Yes, we are tired of seeing her cry all the time, but come on even if your child (21) deserves to be given a swift kick in the butt on the way out due to the lack of respect, it is hard to say goodbye and to suddenly stop worrying about her child. She also has guilt about what she may or may not have done over 21 years that caused Ashlee to think she can treat her mother like this and get away with that behavior but I am sure she is a mother who is in great pain that the relationship she wanted with her daughter is not what she has. OH MY GAWD, that is the same thing that Jacqueline said to Teresa, this is not the relationship I wanted, I want you to tell me what is going on instead of me having to find out in tabloids. Folks, what she is saying is, if I am your best friend, why can't you tell me how you feel about rumors (or truth) that I read. A real friendship and not a manipulated friendship. The episode where Teresa takes Jacqueline into the RV for apple pie is demonstration of this 'fake' relationship. Jacqueline is visibly upset and all Teresa cares about is herself.

Caroline is not my favorite person on the show either. I do like her more than Teresa but I also have to respect her dowdy, angry, menopausal way of looking at life. Come on, her daughter is acting up on the trip, going on yet again about all the weight, her brothers not loving her enough (Teresa and Lauren have really weird relationships and expectations of relationships with their brothers), and other issues facing her and acts like a two year old. While I may not call my children what Caroline called Lauren, I would call them out for their ugly behavior. I mean seriously, grow up. Caroline is the type of person who can look at a situation and call it pretty accurately even if we do not like the manner in which she does. I agreed with Caroline's opinion about Ashlee, Lauren, and Teresa. I would like to think that I would begin using more tact, but seriously, the crud has gotten ridiculous and obviously tact doesn't cut through these people.

Kathy is nice, but her eyes bug out too much for me sometimes. However, I find her to be prettier than Teresa by far. So, when Melissa spoke about how beautiful they both looked, I thought, that is nice because you look at them that night and think, yes, they do look as nice as they can, and that is good, let them feel good knowing that, good job Melissa. However, it appears Melissa upset Teresa because someone else looks as good or better than Teresa. I don't know if I could have remained quiet after the toast Teresa gave. It was mean. It was passive/aggressive towards Kathy. I mean, Teresa had just complained again about the recipes in the cookbook and proving that she does hold grudges, by bringing it up AGAIN. I honestly feel that Kathy did not say that those are her mother's cookies in a mean or spiteful or passive/aggressive manner. I mean come on, Teresa do you actually believe everyone is out to get you all the time. Well, maybe they are because you instigate a lot of trouble between EVERYONE!!!!

Joe Gorga, Joe Guidice, and Richie Wakilie, enough with the displaying your genitalia. Enough of the talking about your genitalia. None of you are attractive and/or hot. Seriously, do you really think every woman is going to be thrilled to hear once again about your genitalia, sex life, and all that other crud you spew every week. NO! And Albie and Christopher, seriously stop encouraging them from making fools of themselves. They obviously do not have the social skills, self-control, or any other ability to monitor their own behaviors. They do not need the encouragement to act as if they are from the wilds (Sorry to anyone who lives in the wilds and have better social skills, self-control and any other ability to monitor their own behaviors). Out of sheer respect to others (the owners of the vine-yards) stop already. This brings me to Chris.

Chris, you are a sweet man. You show great self-control and often are the 'babysitter' of the idiots you are around. I mean, Christopher getting so sick before the food show after being told to take it easy, Joe and Joe playing with the sculpture in the cave room, and not being able to shut up before stupidity runs out of their mouth with no filters, you are a great man. But, your wife needs you to assert some back bone once and a while when things go out of control. You backed down too often with Ashlee. Yes, you are just the step dad, but you needed to do it for Jacqueline must sooner. But kudos for going on camera and telling the world Jacqueline has a beautiful body. While we do not see it as much as we see Teresa's body in various stages of undress and disgust, Jacqueline shows the public that beautiful women are not always perfect women. Let us not even begin to discuss how not perfect Teresa's body and face are. I find her repulsive.

Okay, so it looks like I am talking directly to Chris while talking about the others, I am going to leave it because I really think he is the only one besides Melissa that would be able to hear and understand the truth.

But the subject of this post is how RHONJ is an example for us. And here it is, we can learn how to identify the same characteristics in the people around us and determine how we will react to them. We can see who we have had problems with and the best approach to resolving the conflicts if both parties desire to resolve the conflicts. If you encounter a person like Teresa, run, run away as fast as you can, because as you can see, if she remains unstopped the problem escalates. Much like a bad smell in the house that remains no matter how many times you try to cover up (make excuses) it will not disappear. You actually have to take care of removing the problem.

I understand that Bravo is making a huge amount of money from the RHONJ and Teresa's antics are part of the reason as so many viewers will argue team Teresa or team Melissa, haters of Caroline and lovers of Jacqueline and so on. I know there are rumors of a possible spin-off for Teresa and so on. Just an observation Bravo, Jon and Kate plus 8 did not last long when it became Kate plus 8. Part of the reason RHONJ has increased in viewership is because of the crap Teresa pulls with everyone, a spin-off may not be the answer.

As to the increase in viewership and Teresa's roll in it, I believe many people watch to see Teresa fall from 'New Jersey Grace'. I know that I will be hard pressed to feel overly bad for Teresa. I mean the desperate actions of her last night makes me want to tell her to smarten up and quit the show. Forcing a man to have sex with you after he calls you those names and talks to a girlfriend in front of you and your family and friends/not friends calls to question your ability to face reality let alone be on a reality television show. I feel very sorry for you Teresa, save yourself from the path you are on, jump now and live a quiet life, with your girls, working a real job, within a real budget, and with those who can tolerate you and your children's horrible behavior.

Taking care of the written word,

dannielyn

John and Lisa T--Your last chance to stop your harrassment before legal action is taken against you

North Carolina

Last updated: September 4, 2011

S 14-196.3
Cyberstalking

1. The following definitions apply in this section:
   1. Electronic communication. - Any transfer of signs, signals, writing, images, sounds, data, or intelligence of any nature, transmitted in whole or in part by a wire, radio, computer, electromagnetic, photoelectric, or photo-optical system.
   2. Electronic mail. - The transmission of information or communication by the use of the Internet, a computer, a facsimile machine, a pager, a cellular telephone, a video recorder, or other electronic means sent to a person identified by a unique address or address number and received by that person.
2. It is unlawful for a person to:
   1. Use in electronic mail or electronic communication any words or language threatening to inflict bodily harm to any person or to that person's child, sibling, spouse, or dependent, or physical injury to the property of any person, or for the purpose of extorting money or other things of value from any person.
   2. Electronically mail or electronically communicate to another repeatedly, whether or not conversation ensues, for the purpose of abusing, annoying, threatening, terrifying, harassing, or embarrassing any person.
   3. Electronically mail or electronically communicate to another and to knowingly make any false statement concerning death, injury, illness, disfigurement, indecent conduct, or criminal conduct of the person electronically mailed or of any member of the person's family or household with the intent to abuse, annoy, threaten, terrify, harass, or embarrass.
   4. Knowingly permit an electronic communication device under the person's control to be used for any purpose prohibited by this section.
3. Any offense under this section committed by the use of electronic mail or electronic communication may be deemed to have been committed where the electronic mail or electronic communication was originally sent, originally received in this State, or first viewed by any person in this State.
4. Any person violating the provisions of this section shall be guilty of a Class 2 misdemeanor.
5. This section does not apply to any peaceable, nonviolent, or nonthreatening activity intended to express political views or to provide lawful information to others. This section shall not be construed to impair any constitutionally protected activity, including speech, protest, or assembly. (2000-125, s. 1; 2000-140, s. 91.)

To whatever name you go by:  John Taylor, Lisa Taylor, JT, ME (idareyoutopostmynameb.....net), You Know Who You B...., or anonymous (the name doesn't matter when the IP address shows they all come from the same source(s). 

You immediately cease your attacks on me via the internet or I will seek a protective order and a warrant for your arrest under the code listed above. I have had enough and I will no longer tolerate your harassing behavior and will seek any and all legal avenues available to me to force you to stop the cyberstalking and cyberharassment. This includes notifying the North Carolina Health Care Worker Registry with a complaint.

This is a fair warning. If you send another comment, post anything on the internet about me or attempt ANY contact with me or my family, I will go to the magistrate (open 24 hours seven days a week) and seek a warrant for arrest. I have already contacted them to find out what 'evidence' I need and I spent the day gathering and organizing it to present to the magistrate for the warrant of arrest and the district court judge for the protective order. I have the paper work already filled out and ready to hand in for the protective order. 

John as a health care worker, I would be concerned that the comments you made with identifying components as to your identity and to your wife's identity would put your job in jeopardy. The health care industry does not look kindly on their employees exhibiting uncontrolled anger, rage, and abusive behavior, especially when it is a criminal act. 

The only 'feud' that is happening is in your own mind. I am not nor have I been 'feuding' with you.  You have written horrific, angry, and vulgar slurs against me and my husband because my husband and I do not like you or your wife. Here is the sad truth, John, we didn't have to like you to live next to you. But, just so we are clear, it all started when you were standing in our yard, by our porch, in front of our windows numerous times. That is creepy behavior no matter how one tries to justify it. We chose to move from the situation that grew from your harassing and intimidating behavior. Since you are no longer physically able to use passive/aggressive measures to 'harass' us you have moved on to electronic harassment. It is time to come to a realization that your anger filled words written to me with the intent to abuse, annoy, threaten, terrify, harass, or embarrass is only going to harm you and your wife. 

When you are arrested and unable to work as a health care worker because of your cyberharrassment towards me, it will be you and your wife that ultimately suffers. You will not likely be eligible for unemployment if you are fired as a health care worker due to a criminal record for harassment. You will not be able to work in the health care field with this on your record. You stated you have been 'saving lives' for 15 years, what will you do when you can no longer work in this field?

We stated in the letter to you dated April 28 if the 'stuff' continued we would be moving out. The landlords were made aware of the letter by YOU. They were aware that we were not happy with what we were living through because of you since April 29th. 

We gave them a 30 day notice and told them that we would be out by the 15th of the month but had an opportunity to be out by the 7th of the month.  That gave them extra time to fix the issues that were in part the reason we moved out before a new person moved in. Instead, we find out the landlords were spending their time rather unproductively calling and speaking to people about the personal business matter between us and them. Just so the record is straight, we were not evicted. Even though we sent the letter in the mail on June1st, they did not go to their mailbox until June 6th. We spoke to them on the phone that day and in person that night. We moved the next day. They did not seek an eviction nor had any reason to seek an eviction. We followed the letter of the law of our lease they prepared for us. As to any claim that they did not have two months notice, they did. You gave them that when you gave them the letter dated April 28th. Did we stay for the full two months? No, we got out of that house the earliest we could.

Will your current landlord be happy to find out that the reason we moved out so quickly is due in part by the condition of the house and the majority of it was your 'creepy' and harassing behavior. Yes, they too will find out about your behavior towards us if you continue to send cyberharassment comments to me. I will be more than happy to not only send them to your landlord but post them publicly on my blog. Then every month they cannot rent the property they can 'blame' you for driving their last tenant out. 

What you are not privy too John, is the written and voice mail communications we have with the landlords regarding the truth of our 30 day notice of intent to move out. If you think your assumptions of fact based on their misrepresentation of the facts to a third party by our former landlord is valid for what you're slandering in your electronic communications, you are sadly mistaken. All that does is put the landlord at risk for poor publicity as landlords, community members, firefighter, and local business owners. So, I guess I was wrong in stating that you and your wife ultimately suffers. The landlords will suffer as well due to you forcing us to leave with your harassment, in addition to their lack of upkeep and no/poor response to leaking roofs causing mold to grow in several rooms of our house. The house was unbearable to live in because of you, your wife, and the lack of taking care of critical issues affecting our abilities to live in a house in which we payed rent.  

While this is more than I really wanted to share with you, I thought letting you in on a few facts might help control your need to spew slander that will hurt you and your landlords reputation. I gave you ample opportunity to stop and even warned you that you were harming you, your wife, and your landlord by continuing this cyberharassment. But the question that comes up all the time is how does Lisa feel about all the time you spent cyberstalking, cyberharassing, and obsessing about me? Shouldn't your wife be the only woman you spend that much time obsessing about? 

Taking care of the written word, 

dannielyn

What to do with extra garden bounty

I ran into a complete stranger last night at a local grocery store that was telling me of her problems with having too much abundance in her garden. The weather has been perfect and her veggies were coming in full force. She told me of a bunch of recipes she made with the veggies and is getting a little tired of some of them. It made me think of some of the local agencies that work with the poor, hungry, and homeless here in Henderson County. I volunteered at one that received a bunch of fresh veggies from local gardeners and the families who received the veggies really appreciated it. So, if you have extra veggies where ever you live, consider giving the extra bounty to your local food bank, homeless shelter, domestic violence shelter, or other agencies such as these. They will love your donation and you will give much needed nutrition to those most vulnerable. 

Settling In

Recently we moved and I have been busy working and working on settling in our new home. I have purchased some cute curtains, towels, rugs, and other items that make a house our home. Some call it nesting, a normal process when one looks at where one lives and considers how to make the home feel like their home rather than simply shelter. I found it interesting as I had not really done that in our last home. Was it a conscious or unconscious decision not to truly make the house a home? I did put up pictures and unpack boxes, but there was no feeling of 'ownership' of the space that we lived in. We simply resided in the home without a connection.

Our youngest son left two boxes packed for the 13.5 months we lived there. No matter how much he was teased by his brother about his unpacking he refused to unpack those last two boxes. When we made the decision to move from that house  his comment that it was good thing he never finished unpacking and how quickly the rest of his things could be packed was telling of his state of mind regarding living in the house.

This says a lot about the connection one has with the house one chooses to live in. One could ask if one chooses a home or if the home chooses us to live in. I ask and I find the answer confusing to say the least. I asked some ladies I know what they thought about this question and their answers were interesting to say the least. One friend told of a house they purchased that did NOT feel like a home no matter what they did to the house. Since they purchased the house they had to wait until they could sell the house. When they did sell the house they made sure the home they purchased 'felt' like home. Another friend told me that she loved the house they had lived in for 19 years and tried to find one that had their personality 'style' when they moved to   South Carolina. She would walk into a house and know immediately that it was not for her or her family and walk right back out. When she pulled up to the house she lives in now, she knew immediately it was her house. A third friend stated that their houses have personality, just not hers. She buys new furniture all the time but it just doesn't have the feel of their home no matter what 'personal' items she places inside. I can relate to each of their answers.

 As I look at the pictures I hung on the wall of our children from infancy to their current ages I am amazed at how much the heart influences the home. I see photographs of our oldest a few weeks from being three years old holding his four week old brother in front of a fireplace decorated for Christmas and remember some of the Christmas traditions we developed over the years no matter what 'home' we celebrated in, ours or our families. I see a picture of our youngest at three and our oldest at six wearing hockey gear waiting by our vehicles in our front yard ready for a new hockey season. I see artwork from both boys framed reminding me of the kitchen table   that was colored on and under from the time they held their first crayons. These are the memories that will make a house a home. Since moving in this home, we have begun to make many new memories. As the last box was unpacked this weekend and our home represents our personality, our family we feel settled in and content. And that is a great feeling.

Taking care of the written word,
Dannielyn

John Freida Frizz-Ease Sheer Solution Lightweight Frizz Control

I received this product from BzzAgent to try out and see if the product works as good as it claims. I tried it the very next day and it worked pretty good, but it was not really all that humid. I thought that I would have to wait to see if it really worked for a really humid day. However, I did notice that my hair which goes from wavy to curly depending on the humidity level was a more defined curl rather than a frizzy mess. I love this product for that reason alone. I am still waiting for a humid day to see if this works as good as it claims on humidity, but it has made my hair look and feel even better.

Taking care of the written word,
dannielyn

Stronger by Kelly Clarkson (lyrics)

                                                   "What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)"

You know the bed feels warmer
Sleeping here alone
You know I dream in color
And do the things I want

You think you got the best of me
Think you've had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down
Think that I'd come running back
Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

You heard that I was starting over with someone new
They told you I was moving on, over you

You didn't think that I'd come back
I'd come back swinging
You try to break me, but you see

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

Thanks to you I got a new thing started
Thanks to you I'm not the broken-hearted
Thanks to you I'm finally thinking about me
You know in the end the day you left was just my beginning
In the end...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

[2x]
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

(When I'm alone)

Taking Care of the Written Word

I do not think I ever explained why I use the phrase "Taking Care of the Written Word' as my tag line. I have been thinking about it quite a bit lately as I have seen a number of odd comments on many websites that I have read on a regular basis.

First, I use "taking care of the written word" because I am a freelance writer. That makes sense. I write therefore, I take care of the written word for my clients. I do all sorts of freelance writing jobs from website content, Facebook and Twitter postings, product reviews, ghost writing, and editing services to name just a few areas. I enjoy writing and the tag line seemed perfect for my business.

Secondly, I think that when we write something to anyone whether a note, card, tweet, status update, comment, or blog post we MUST be willing to accept responsibility for our words. I for one believe with my whole heart that what I write I accept responsibility for no matter what. Yes, there are times when I state my opinion and find opposition to that opinion, but I accept full responsibility for my opinion, right or wrong. I have apologized for my words if they have offended others but it does not change the opinion I expressed. I have admitted when I wrote something that was wrong, but I make every effort to make sure that what I write is correct as far as I can tell.

Third, as a part of 'taking care of the written word', I am careful about the comments that I allow on this site. I have marked as 'spam' certain ads that are added as comments to posts that have nothing to do with posting it is attached to because it is simply 'junk', 'spam', and waste of time. So if you have posted a comment like that to any of my posts, it has been marked as spam because it is not relevant to the posting. Now, if I posted something about a particular product or service and you have something related to that, I give you the opportunity to tag along on the posting. However, you post a spam comment about unrelated things and it is deleted immediately.

Along this same lines, if you leave a comment that is a mean spirited comment that has nothing to do with the post it is marked as 'spam' as well. I have little tolerance for angry, poorly written (in anger), and unrelated comments. As the owner of this blog, I have every right to delete, publish, mark as spam, or moderate the comments. I take full advantage of this right. I will not post your anger-filled, hate speech on my blog. Since May I have received a number of these types of comments from my 'former' neighbor. I am doing him quite a favor as I will not demonstrate to the internet audience how anger-filled, ignorant, mean-spirited and damaging his comments are to him and his wife. If I published his last comment, his identity would be out there for all to see. His name would be edited into the post I wrote yesterday for all the world to access. His name would be listed in the labels that allow people to search for him by name and see the post describing his behavior. In my posting yesterday, nothing of descriptive nature was given for him, our previous address, or the name of the landlords. However, if I post his comments which he dared me to do, I would be identifying him and his atrocious behavior. A bully is a bully is a bully and the behavior of the neighbor since he moved in is one of a classic bully. His behavior is passive-aggressive and intends to bully me with facts that are so far from the truth.

You see, last night I slept well. I enjoyed working in my house and outside the house. We enjoyed hanging out in our yard and we did not have to tolerate mold, smells, or our old neighbors. Last night I lived well and this morning, even addressing this issue, my blood pressure is at a normal level, my breathing normal, my stomach is NOT upset, no signs or symptoms of anxiety. When I feel it beginning to creep into my body or mind, I take a deep breath (I can because there is no mold, septic, or nasty carpet smells) and remember how much better our life is to be away from that house and that neighbor.

You may want to find a new manner of dealing with your anger dear neighbor. Your hate-filled comments are very telling of the problems you are struggling with and you may need to seek some help. Not everyone will be so tolerant of your behavior as my husband and I have been.

I take full responsibility for my words,

Taking care of the written word,
dannielyn

Father's Day

This Sunday is Father's day. To all those who are fathers of children young and old, Happy Father's day. Our boys are growing up fast and I remember the days when they were waiting for dad to come home and would welcome him home with tales of their days, toys, pictures, and buildings they were playing with when he arrived. I look back on one particular Father's day when the boys decided the were going to cook "Iron Chef" style for their Father's day meal for dad. They had fun planning and preparing the food that Father's day and it was a great day.

The role of father has changed for my husband now that our oldest son is nearly 21 years old. Tony has a 1972 VW bug that is always needing extra love. Mike has received many calls about this classic car and through the phone calls been quite pleased with the experience Tony has gained in his short BUG ownership. There is a mutual respect for the man each one is and the changing relationship between them.

The man I married certainly is an incredible father to these boys and I have to state that I am glad they have many of his great qualities.

Happy Father's day

Taking care of the written word,
dannielyn

Depression, Anxiety, and Anger

I researched a case study on depression and anger which was enlightening as there is a controversy as to whether anti-depressants will work on an individual with mild to moderate depression. The situation involved a college student who had realized he was depressed but was unable to determine the source of the depression. The student could not motivate himself to get up and go to classes or anything else in his 'life'. He was sad and confused as to why he was depressed.

There are many times when we find ourselves feeling unmotivated and sad because we are feeling so unmotivated. We often do not think that we are depressed when we feel sad and unmotivated but we could be in the midst of a round of depression. There is help for depression and with that help one can come back from living in a world that feels apart from the rest of our family and friends. This case study spoke about how 'sometimes' anti-depressants are not needed, changes in the individual's lifestyle is often the best plan of treatment. I agree.

The case study also mentioned anger. Anger is often a response when someone is unable to fully form what they feel in a manner that is productive. I understand this concept well. Over the last few months I was severely sleep deprived and suffering from anxiety issues that deteriorated the quality of my life. I was very angry and I certainly met the criteria for moderate to severe depression. Yesterday I wrote a post about Living Well is the Best Revenge and it was a creative outlet to express how different I feel today as compared to a week or month(s) ago. This is to say that sometimes when you are in a difficult situation it is best to remove yourself from that situation and the relief of the symptoms is nearly immediate. The night we moved from the house I began to feel the symptoms of anxiety and depression begin to lift from my body. It was not all of the symptoms, but the ability to relax took over slowly. Over the days, more of my ability to relax and avoid the anxiety symptoms increased. I do not feel as tense, anxious, angry, and depressed.

Anger is an emotion that makes all the sense in the world when we are in the middle of the emotion, but when we look back on our words and actions during an angry moment or episode we are left with many surprises. We say and do things that are completely 'off the wall' and outside our normal behavior. We show a side of ourselves that we would normally be ashamed to do in front of others. We believe we are justified in our words and actions only to be shown later how embarrassing it is in the light of day. We become obsessed with our anger and the righteousness of our anger and then we see how much of a 'butt' we have become.

I am glad to put the chapter of our lives behind us from the 'last house, landlord, and neighbors' as that is a situation filled with physical and emotional issues that was damaging our family and my emotional state. As I stated yesterday, we are living well and that certainly is the best revenge and the easiest. You see, now I am able to look back and reassess what I need to do to avoid this type of situation from happening again. I am protecting my sanity by letting go of the anger that was very present every moment of every day while living there. I am able to breathe without having an anxiety attack when I think of the situation I lived in and that is a great improvement. The anger is gone and in its place is thoughtful reflection. I can live each day without an anxiety attack and that is certainly a benefit to letting the anger go. This is due to the fact that I know the truth of our situation and in that truth is peace. I certainly hope that the neighbors can let go of their anger before it causes them any more damage or trouble. I for one can attest that the anger is physically and emotionally draining and bad for you.

Taking care of the written word,
Dannielyn

Virtual Writing Lab

http://virtualwritinglab.com/This site is about to go live and I am so excited. Check it out and you will see why! I have been assisting students edit their papers for a few years now. I have worked with students who speak languages other than English as their first language. Their writing style is disjointed and does not flow properly and I have been able to edit papers for high school, university, masters, and doctorate level students. I recently edited and formatted a journal article for doctor from Egypt for an Egyptian medical journal. I loved to be able to hear back from the clients and find out that their work was accepted for publication and appreciated the work that I did to prepare the work for publication. I helped a military social worker write a grant for community health services for PTSD, TBI, and military family support services, a worthy cause that needs to provide the after care to the men, women, and children who are in the military.

I have to admit that one area of this 'assistance' that bothers me the most is the need for students in the United States from the United States having so many issues with writing a proper paper. I am not stating that the education system is failing our students, because I know that some students are not 'writers' but excel in another area of academics. I believe that if we can assist the students in editing the papers they will begin to recognize the value of the written word.

http://virtualwritinglab.com/

Taking care of the written word,
Dannielyn

Living Well is the Best Revenge!

Last week our family moved yet again. The house we lived in had a number of problems that the landlord refused to address properly before and after we moved in. We had just experienced a horrific experience with a previous landlord that made me fearful of saying anything negative about the condition of the house. Yet, there were blatant and horrific issues with the house, but I was afraid to say anything about it. If the situation was not what it was that Friday morning when I arrived to get the keys to the house, I would have refused to move in. The condition of the house that morning was not the same condition the house was when my husband and I agreed to move in. It was nothing as we agreed and we had no option but to move in that day.

In February of this year the two story side of the duplex was rented and the new neighbors had two small yappy dogs, a Turrets Syndrome style yeller in the morning, he also slammed the door constantly, stood in our yard in front of our windows, hung three wind chimes in front of my bedroom window, had guests stand in my yard by my windows at a house warming party calling me a "B" because I asked them to move away from my yard and windows taking their cigarette smoke with them. They hollered at midnight on the other side the bedroom wall scaring the daylights out of me as I was startled awake. The Turrets syndrome yelling every morning between 6:15 and 7:30 am also startled me awake. The stomping up and down the stairs, slamming the dryer and washer doors at midnight and early morning only added to the lack of sleep, anxiety, and depression that I was experiencing. I know, I could take a nap during the day to make up the sleep. No, I couldn't. The dogs would bark at every little noise, she was home during the day and would sit in her bathroom and talk loudly to the dogs and I could hear everything. The dogs would attack the shared wall, bark, and when her husband came home he would slam the door right outside my bedroom door.

I wrote a note asking them to take care of the dogs, chimes, terrets, and the standing in our yard. Their answer was to write a note back (I never read it), write a note to the landlords (I never read it the copy they gave us), take down the wind chimes, CONTINUE TO SLAM THE DOORS MORE THAN BEFORE, AND HANG A BRIGHT YELLOW DON'T TREAD ON ME FLAG RIGHT OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM WINDOW!

The flag was put up to annoy me. However, it had the opposite effect. It made their seeing into my window more difficult. I could also sit on my porch and they could not see out their door directly at our porch. It provided more privacy than we had before. The night we left they took it down and when my husband and son went back a couple hours later to get a few last cleaning tasks done it was down. We also found out that they block our second exit from the house with 'junk'. We could not open the door and in the event of a fire, we would not have been able to exit our home.

By the time we moved I could not eat hardly anything at all. Despite the fact that I need to lose a bunch of weight, I needed to be able to eat. I had begun gagging and dry heaving every time I felt any bit of stress and I was constantly nauseous. I was always angry and agitated. I had anxiety attacks all the time, hated being in the house but couldn't go outside because of the neighbor situation. My life was deteriorating to such a degree that I was a wreak inside and outside the house. The house condition on the inside made me ill (mold and other gross issues) and the neighbors made being in or out of the house impossible to tolerate.

The neighbors believe they ran us out of the house and that is true, they did. But thank God they did. The home we moved into is not perfect but by golly, it does not stink, the carpet does not make you gag, the bedrooms do not feel damp and stink, there is no mold in the kitchen, bath, living room, etc. We do not have rude and inconsiderate neighbors who get off on tormenting others in passive/aggressive manners. Our lives are not at risk in the event of fire by blocking our second exit. I realized when we moved in here that living well is best revenge. They may be happy they 'ran us off', but those neighbors are living with a home that floods when it rains, has mold growing every where in the walls, base boards, and everywhere. Those neighbors have to deal with landlords that do very little to the homes and complain every moment they are asked to fix anything. The neighbors are paying the same or more than we paid for rent every month (depending on the final reduced rent amount advertised). We had 1600 ft and they had 708 ft home. Ya know, just got to laugh about that one!

But we are happy here. We are away from the neighbors that tormented us, the home that was physically harming us and we are living well. We are happy to be away from that home and no matter what evil parts of my mind wanted to do something to get back at them, I feel great satisfaction that the best revenge is living well. And we are!

Taking care of the written word,
Dannielyn

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Our Boys, Success in Education, Success in Life

Andrew was inducted into the National Honor Society in November 2011 at North Henderson High School. We are very proud of our son who seems to be able to understand and do well in his classes all throughout his school career. Even in high school, he has been able to remain at the top of his class and well, we would love to take all the credit, but we know that it is in no small part Andrew and the collection of great teachers that he has had the fortune to encounter throughout his educational pursuits.

Tony is in his second year of college at University of North Carolina Charlotte. He is mid-way through his sophomore year and is at a junior level standing in his Political Science and English double major with a minor in History. Yes, it is obvious that I am slightly proud of my son. Just this weekend we received notice that Tony was nominated for the National Society of Leadership and Success at UNCC. We are thrilled to know that our son, who has always shown leadership skills even way back in first grade is being recognized for this natural quality.

I just wrote in a previous posting about friendships and what the group of friends you hang out with in school says about you. Tony and Andrew have been in the midst of many different students and have had various interests in school. Both have shown leadership, compassion, intelligence, athletic abilities, dedication, loyalty, and humor. They have also demonstrated the ability to be human by making mistakes and learning from those mistakes. They are not perfect, but this mother feels fortunate that their less than perfectness has been so very mild compared to the problems and situations others have experienced. I know that we (dad and I) have been instrumental in this role of raising these boys to turn out as well as they have, but I also know that it has a lot to do with the role Christ has in their lives as well.

My college aged son, Tony started going to church while at school, reading his bible, and posting bible verses to remind himself of what he needs to do to remain on the right path. Did I mention he is doing this not because he was forced to by parents but because he wants to?  Yeah, that is incredible and wonderful and humbling. This young man has the opportunity to drink alcohol and do whatever else he wants as he is away from home and yet, this is the life he chooses to live.

I am not putting the boys on a pedestal. I know all too well the truth of my boys. Just ask me about the van, December 23, 2011, and the long in coming truth, taking responsibility, and influencing younger brother in the wrong manner in which to go. (Sounds bad huh? it was really only side-swiping the guardrail on a very curvy mountain road, which could have been very dangerous and deadly, not admitting it, telling younger brother to not tell, and being mad that he was caught). Dad and I had not been upset when the van had been involved in a previous accident to the tune of $14,000 and gave no cause for the situation that happened, yet our son made a mistake in hiding from the truth. The fact that both of my boys were alive matters more than the damage a side-swipe caused. Hopefully the boys will remember this point and find that the truth of the situation is more important because their lives are more important than a vehicle.

Anyways, we are proud of our children's success in education but more importantly, we are proud of our children's success in their lives, particularly their life with Christ.

Taking care of the written word,
Dannielyn

Friendships, choosing wisely and avoiding foolishness

Yesterday at Biltmore Baptist Church East Campus, the second relationship discussed was of friendships. Pastor Frank started off by talking about the cliques in high school, you know druggies, jocks, brainiacs and so on. He discussed how we are not far from these groups even out of high school. For example, if we hung out with the druggies in school chances are we still were with those types of people. If we enjoyed the company of the jocks, we were still doing sports as we aged. If we hung out with Christians, most likely we were still with Christians. Sounds good so far.

Proverbs is full of words of wisdom on how to develop relationships specifically friendships. One thing that caught me in the message was Pastor Frank's admission that often those who leave you most vulnerable in times of trials, tribulations, desperation, and when you make a mistake are the 'church' friends you develop. Yep, I know for a fact this is true. I have been used and abused by some of the most 'godly' appearing women. Here is the key to the problem, GODLY APPEARING WOMEN. They only appeared to have a heart for God. They only appeared to care about other women. They only appeared to want to be there for other women, until their needs were met or their patience wore thin.

Isn't that the truth of most Christian relationships? What can I get from this relationship? Whether a source for all sorts of gossip, assistance to make one look better in front the entire church for completing yet another daunting task, or simply to have another person in their 'clique', many of us have suffered through the pain of a Christian friendship.

How much hurt must one suffer through from your fellow Christians when you are already suffering? It seems that the pain and struggles from life is not enough to be able to rely on the support of your fellow Christian when they drop you as a friend without hearing the excuse "I am a saved SINNER". Well, here's one for the record books, so am I. Yet, I am struggling to overcome that excuse and build upon my weaknesses with the help of Christ. I do not wish to wallow in the 'saved sinner' excuse but to become a child of God, worthy of love, acceptance, grace, and mercy.

If we have no other reason to change other than we are saved, then why hang onto the saved sinner excuse. Why do we want to use that as a 'convenient truth' to excuse our behavior. I would rather hear someone say, "I am flawed in this area and I need you to hold me accountable as I hold you accountable". Is that not what the word of God tells us to do? He does not tell us to make excuses but to hold ourselves to a higher standard of living. He tells us to hold our fellow Christian to that same standard in the context of accountability with another Christian. This is not an excuse to blast all Christians with their sins, but to walk together with another Christian, two by two in order to be more than an excused 'saved sinner'.

The following verses will support this claim: Proverbs 13:20, 17:17, 27:10, 16:28, 17:9, 27:6-7, Hebrews 10:24, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, Thank you Pastor Frank for sharing these yesterday.

Friendships are difficult to begin and even more difficult to continue due to our sinful nature. It is with the encouragement and honesty of a fellow Christian friend we find our friendship grow and develop. Never more true is this when we fail to find that Christian friend with a desire to give of themselves for the furthering of God's will.

Taking care of the written word,
Dannielyn