A Not So Dramatic Testimony

I was in my darkest hour when I called out to my Lord. Save me Lord from my sin. No scratch that, I wasn't in my darkest hour, I was in control of my life. I was living well. My family isn't as dysfunctional as most families are. My grades were good, friends were plenty, money comes in greater than I spend. My husband is kind and loving and my children are healthy and polite. I am healthy and in control, life is good.

Ahh, my sin. It could be called pride, self-reliance, and gossip to name a few. Not enough to captivate an audience. My testimony isn't going to cause goosebumps, tears and heart felt change. Let me tell you my testimony and you can confirm my bold statement. My testimony is of no use to anyone.

I grew up going to church, I don't know if my parents had a relationship with God, but we went to church each week eager to see our friends. I heard all the rules I needed to follow and to be a good person, I followed those rules. I followed those rules and life was good.

Thou shalt not kill, I didn't. Thou shalt not commit adultery, I didn't. You know the 10 commandments, I didn't break them. Thou shalt have no other gods before me, nope not me, I don't worship Buddha or any other idol.

I felt that I had a relationship with God, but I really didn't pay attention to one key theme-the relationship part.

I went for years thinking I was a good person who didn't have a need for God. Not like those who committed real sins or those who suffered a really hard life. I mean I was living the good life. I didn't need God for me to get through one day or a hardship that came my way. I didn't have many hardships other than maybe a bad hair cut that made me mad for a few weeks. I didn't need God, I was strong and I was not like those weak people suffering. I am Strong!

I continued going to church on Sundays, and on one particular Sunday the preacher was teaching us about the Beatitudes. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those that mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

While I thought about how great those rewards will be, my stomach began to feel horrible. What's the matter with me? The preacher began to share how we have to read the Beatitudes in order to know what we will receive if we believe. He told us to turn to John 3:16-21. I turned to that passage-God so love-light comes to darkness-men loved darkness-everyone who does evil hates the light.

My mind was racing, my heart was beating fast and my stomach was killing me. But I don't do evil things. I am not perfect, but I am not evil either. I don't understand why I was feeling so ill. Maybe it was the flu or something I ate. I decided to put those thoughts aside.

A few weeks later, we learn about strongholds. I don't understand what he is talking about when he refers to all of us having strongholds. I don't do any major sins, my strongholds aren't compulsive shopping, drugs or gambling. I am able to handle things on my own.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

It is not a matter of having a horrendous and dramatic story. It's about having the strength to admit you need help from the Lord. Its not about making your sins an interesting story. It is about making sure that no matter what does or doesn't happen in your life, you need God. You need to know God and you need to submit yourself to God. Submit to God's will and not your own.

Do you know how hard it is to submit to someone you can't see when you can't see your need for Him. Everything is well and good and how do you determine you need help when you can't see that need.

That's what I struggled with the most. I didn't go to drugs, alcohol or sex to deal with things in my life. I relied on myself. Relying on myself alone was how I dealt with anything that happened. I wish I had a traumatic event that brought me to my knees and asking God for salvation. I didn't have that experience, I had a good life. I had to see my sin, my stronghold was my pride, my self-reliance and judging others. I judged what their sins were by the struggles they were going through. I prided myself on my self-reliance. I had the sin of pride. I wish I had gone to drugs or shopping as my sin. I had pride and self-reliance and how do you admit you need to give up your self in order to be made right in God's eyes.

I was still experiencing stomach aches and a racing heart every time I thought about having to give up my pride and self-reliance. I knew that I had to give it up to God. I had to let God take care of me even when it seemed like there was no reason to give anything over to God. I had to give it up and I couldn't. I had not experienced any extremely bad experience where I fell on my knees. I needed to give my heart over to God, but....

But there is no excuse for me not to give my heart over to God. Once I know that to deny God is sin, I was guilty of the worst sin ever. I knew that I needed a relationship with God and to deny that was a death sentence, I needed to repent. I needed to repent and know that I have the guarantee of eternal life. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him will have eternal life. That means that even if I never had a rebellion period, never had traumatic episodes in my life, or suffered as much as any other person, God still wants me to believe in His Son and have eternal life.

Oh God, how can it be,
That you would love a LITTLE sinner like me.
I didn't do drugs, drink or have sex with others,
I am loved dearly by my friends, father and mother.
Sometimes I think of something bad,
And at times make others feel hurt and sad.
My sins aren't as great as it could be,
My testimony isn't much for others to see.
How can I influence others to see your grace?
How can they see your love in my heart space?

My dear precious child don't you see,
My son is very precious to you and me.
He died for you and your every sin,
You don't have to suffer much for grace to begin.
Your story doesn't have to be dramatic for it to be told,
Because no matter what you go through, my grace is for you to hold.

Please note: This isn't my personal testimony, it was written to share with those who think they don't have a testimony to share. You do. Your personal testimony means as much to God as any other. The angels in heaven sang just as loudly for your salvation as they did any others. Your salvation is yours. God knew the days of your life before you were born. You are loved so dearly by God and others because of who you are and what you have become as God's child.

Jasper and Josie

Shortly after we moved to Hendersonville, our youngest son asked for a kitten. Our oldest son didn't want a cat in the house and didn't want to have anything to do with the cat once we brought it home. We went to the pet shelter and our little guy had found his kitten. Jasper, with his orange-red-yellow striped fur. I am not sure what the actual or official color is, but he has orange-red fur.

Josie is suppose to be his sister. She is grey with white patches and white paws. She was extremely little, most likely the runt of the bunch, tiny as she was. Well, we agreed to adopt Jasper, but Josie wouldn't let our oldest son move without showering him with attention. Our son bent down and began to pet Josie. He spent a lot of time with her and must have fallen in love with her immediately. Our son who wanted nothing to do with a cat for any reason looked up at his father and me. He simply asked, "Can we get two kittens"? I looked at my husband and I looked at the kitten and looked at my son. His kitten cold heart had melted, he wanted not just any kitten, he wanted the one who was desperately trying to get him to notice her.

Josie and her brother were adopted that day. Jasper knew which person in our family had chosen him. Jasper's loyalty was to Andrew. Andrew was his boy. He laid next to him, played with him, fed him, and slept with him. Jasper was his and Andrew was his boy.

The scrawny little Josie stole Tony's heart and just as her brother did she had spent all of her time and attention with Tony. She would run to the door when she hear him coming to the door. She would sit in his lap alone. She knew that he was hers and she was his.

Josie and Jasper both knew the rules that day we walked into the animal shelter. They knew that they needed to win the heart of whomever came looking for a kitten. Jasper by nature is friendlier with strangers than Josie is. Jasper looked healthy and robust for a little kitten. Josie, by all accounts was the lesser of the two kittens. Small in size, we found out shortly after arriving home, sickly. She doesn't like strangers. She will hide and wait until they are gone to come out to eat, potty or play. But that day, Josie knew her life laid in someone else's hands. She knew that she needed to step outside of her comfort zone and take that risk. That risk to show love to someone she just met. That risk to share of herself what she didn't want to lose. She wanted to be loved, cared for and taken home. She wanted to be saved from life in the animal shelter. She wanted to go where she would be loved forever.

Josie and Jasper wanted what we are all looking for. They wanted to be accepted, to be loved and cared for all their days. Don't we all have the same wants, needs and desires. We want to be loved, we want to be accepted and we want to be cared for all of our days. I know the only source of that love, acceptance and care, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. God's perfect plan was to have his son come into the animal shelter (the world) and give us what we need to find him and let him know we need him to take us. The best part of all, Jesus takes us. Each and every one of is able to be adopted by Jesus. This is exciting, this is life altering and this is all we need to know that we will be loved, cared for and accepted. We are accepted no matter how sickly we may appear, he accepts us no matter what.

Do you have a desire to be loved, accepted and cared for? Go ahead and step outside your comfort zone and ask Jesus to take you with him.