I am 40 years old today. I am surprisingly ok with this birthday. I am not afraid of grey hair. I have had grey hair since I was 20 years old. I am not afraid of aches and pains of old age, I have had those since I was pregnant with my first son. I have had so many "itis's" during the years and am in pain every day in varying degrees it is hard to imagine life with out it. I am not afraid of my children growing up and moving on, they are in the midst of their teenage years and it is inevitable that they will move on. I am 40 years old today. I am surprisingly ok with this birthday.
I have been asked if I am ok with turning 40, I have been asked if I feel any different today. No, I woke up today feeling the same as I did yesterday. I have never minded having birthdays. My birthday is the first day of spring. A time of new beginnings, hope, fresh starts and well beauty. My birthday is a celebration of these special themes.
I have been excited about my birthdays all along and will always be excited about birthday I suppose. The only thing that will get me less excited about my birthdays is my death. No, I am not being morbid. I am looking forward to a time when I know I won't have anymore birthdays. Why, because I know where I will be. I am excited to know.
As a birthday gift to you, I have to wonder if you know where you will be when you no longer celebrate a birthday. I know, I will be in heaven with my heavenly father. I will have a great time in heaven celebrating eternal life. Will you?
Happy Birthday! You can make this your birthday too. The first day of Spring can be your first day of your new life in Christ. Happy Birthday.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
Today at School
I was visiting a friend at the high school my son goes to. I had to drop something off to her and we were talking. She was talking about her little girls and I was talking about my bigger boys. I saw a very pregnant teenager walk to the lunch room. I asked if she was really pregnant. She said yes, it was true.
At dinner tonight, I asked my son if she knew the pregnant girl. He asked me which one. I did a double take and asked him what he meant. He said he knew of several girls in school who were pregnant.
All I could think was, "how sad for those girls". It is really a sad ordeal if you think about it. I don't know the stories about why the girls ended up pregnant. But I have to wonder about the reasons why the girls felt the need to have sex at such an early age.
The social worker side of me wants to know what their life was like that caused them to look to another person for love and sex. Why did they feel giving away that part of themselves was so important, so necessary so soon.
I am not talking about just the sex part of the relationship. I am talking about the need to have a relationship so intimate with another person. The need to take on a role they are too young to fully understand the consequences of. The relationship requires them to take on the emotional, physical and financial responsibilities of adulthood.
A teenage girl is not always physically able to have a baby without complications. There are some physical complications common to pregnant teenagers that older mothers-to-be are not afflicted by.
No matter what they decide to do, keep the child or give the child up for adoption; the emotional toll is huge. Their childhood is over when they choose to raise the child. The remembrances of the child they gave up still affects them no matter how much time goes by.
So the question still remains; what could have happened to them to make them want to search for intimate and adult relationships? Could there have been someone who could have given them the unconditional love without such a huge price tag?
I know who that is. I know that Jesus can give them the love they need to fill up that lonely spot in their heart. Jesus can fill their needs without taking from them their childhood. Jesus give them their future.
My prayers remain for those teenage girls in my son's school who are pregnant. My prayers also go to those girls who think that having sex will bring to them all that they are needing. I also pray for the boys who feel to have sex to fill the needs inside themselves.
At dinner tonight, I asked my son if she knew the pregnant girl. He asked me which one. I did a double take and asked him what he meant. He said he knew of several girls in school who were pregnant.
All I could think was, "how sad for those girls". It is really a sad ordeal if you think about it. I don't know the stories about why the girls ended up pregnant. But I have to wonder about the reasons why the girls felt the need to have sex at such an early age.
The social worker side of me wants to know what their life was like that caused them to look to another person for love and sex. Why did they feel giving away that part of themselves was so important, so necessary so soon.
I am not talking about just the sex part of the relationship. I am talking about the need to have a relationship so intimate with another person. The need to take on a role they are too young to fully understand the consequences of. The relationship requires them to take on the emotional, physical and financial responsibilities of adulthood.
A teenage girl is not always physically able to have a baby without complications. There are some physical complications common to pregnant teenagers that older mothers-to-be are not afflicted by.
No matter what they decide to do, keep the child or give the child up for adoption; the emotional toll is huge. Their childhood is over when they choose to raise the child. The remembrances of the child they gave up still affects them no matter how much time goes by.
So the question still remains; what could have happened to them to make them want to search for intimate and adult relationships? Could there have been someone who could have given them the unconditional love without such a huge price tag?
I know who that is. I know that Jesus can give them the love they need to fill up that lonely spot in their heart. Jesus can fill their needs without taking from them their childhood. Jesus give them their future.
My prayers remain for those teenage girls in my son's school who are pregnant. My prayers also go to those girls who think that having sex will bring to them all that they are needing. I also pray for the boys who feel to have sex to fill the needs inside themselves.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
My Little Brother
Last Saturday morning, I received a call from my little brother. Now Brian is not really that little anymore, he is 32 years old now. He is seven years younger than me and very close to my heart. It may not seem like he is when I tell you a bit about what went on and how often we talk, but he is still my little brother.
I was seven when he was born. My mother almost lost him during the pregnancy. He had a foot problem, had to where a brace straightening out his feet. He had a reaction to the sun or something, made him pretty sick. When he was in his swing as a little baby, now remember this was back in 1976 or 1977 the baby swings weren't as wonderful as they are now. I was eight years old and trying to get my little brother out of a baby swing. It was outside on the cement patio. His legs got caught and I let go of him to get his legs unstuck, and well he hit his head on the cement. Well, he survived the fall with no lasting damage, but that was not the only time I had hurt him without meaning too.
Brian was a cute blond little boy. He was a sweet and happy boy. Until he was 11 years old. Something had happened in our home and our family was torn apart. During a time when the little boy needed his father, our father was not available. Our father had to accept responsibility for what he had done. Brian had to grow up with a family that was not only broken, it was damaged and full of lies.
While I was not at fault, I was the reason the family had broken up and broken apart. It was a very scary time for me, I was all alone. I was left to fend for myself. I was 18, while not easy, it was not as bad for me as it was for a little boy who had no father at home, a mother devastated, older brother with his own family and in the marine corp. His sister had moved from Wisconsin to Alabama and he was left to be the little boy, the man of the family and the only one who wanted everyone back together again.
I loved that boy with all my heart. I lived with guilt and pain about what he had to go through. Even with me having had suffered the most dramatically, he suffered the most in every other way. He was a troubled teen, he made serious mistakes and he still had my love.
I asked him to do for me what my father lost his privilege to do. I had no choice but to ask the only male member of my family who deserved to be asked, that was Brian. It was to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and give me away.
My father was present, he and my mother lit my families candle for the unity candle. But he was not asked to escort me down the aisle. That was the privilege of my little brother. He was 14 years old when he walked me down the aisle. He was so handsome. My future husband had not a single problem with Brian giving me away. It seemed natural and right.
Brian moved on with his life and so did I. We have children both of us. I have two and Brian has three. One he has a difficult relationship with not because he didn't take his role as father seriously, but because the mother of his son has been hurt. Not necessarily by Brian either. Brian's heart is broken by this relationship. When I talked with him on Saturday I heard the hurt and the pain of not being able to see his son.
His second son has some developmental disabilities as a result of seizures after birth. He is special to Brian because of who he is, he is a perfect son. A son that will always need to be looked after with extra care. My heart broke when Brian shared with me that they (mom and dad) look forward to the day that they retire in an RV and travel around with their son. They want him to be as independent as he can, but they plan on caring for him for his whole life.
He has a beautiful little girl. She is lively and a promise to what the future holds for Brian. The promise of walking his daughter down the aisle on her wedding day. He will walk down that aisle with a look of pride and love for this little girl who grew up too quickly for his liking.
I am so proud of him for reasons I can't begin to explain. I am sitting here crying like a baby just because I have remembered so much of him. I love him as much as I possibly can. I have realized that I have loved him with the same unconditional love that I have for my own children. I love him.
I realize that God has that same love for me no matter what may happen in my life, God is there showing me unconditional love. I hope that Brian and his family always feel God's unconditional love, and you as well.
I was seven when he was born. My mother almost lost him during the pregnancy. He had a foot problem, had to where a brace straightening out his feet. He had a reaction to the sun or something, made him pretty sick. When he was in his swing as a little baby, now remember this was back in 1976 or 1977 the baby swings weren't as wonderful as they are now. I was eight years old and trying to get my little brother out of a baby swing. It was outside on the cement patio. His legs got caught and I let go of him to get his legs unstuck, and well he hit his head on the cement. Well, he survived the fall with no lasting damage, but that was not the only time I had hurt him without meaning too.
Brian was a cute blond little boy. He was a sweet and happy boy. Until he was 11 years old. Something had happened in our home and our family was torn apart. During a time when the little boy needed his father, our father was not available. Our father had to accept responsibility for what he had done. Brian had to grow up with a family that was not only broken, it was damaged and full of lies.
While I was not at fault, I was the reason the family had broken up and broken apart. It was a very scary time for me, I was all alone. I was left to fend for myself. I was 18, while not easy, it was not as bad for me as it was for a little boy who had no father at home, a mother devastated, older brother with his own family and in the marine corp. His sister had moved from Wisconsin to Alabama and he was left to be the little boy, the man of the family and the only one who wanted everyone back together again.
I loved that boy with all my heart. I lived with guilt and pain about what he had to go through. Even with me having had suffered the most dramatically, he suffered the most in every other way. He was a troubled teen, he made serious mistakes and he still had my love.
I asked him to do for me what my father lost his privilege to do. I had no choice but to ask the only male member of my family who deserved to be asked, that was Brian. It was to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and give me away.
My father was present, he and my mother lit my families candle for the unity candle. But he was not asked to escort me down the aisle. That was the privilege of my little brother. He was 14 years old when he walked me down the aisle. He was so handsome. My future husband had not a single problem with Brian giving me away. It seemed natural and right.
Brian moved on with his life and so did I. We have children both of us. I have two and Brian has three. One he has a difficult relationship with not because he didn't take his role as father seriously, but because the mother of his son has been hurt. Not necessarily by Brian either. Brian's heart is broken by this relationship. When I talked with him on Saturday I heard the hurt and the pain of not being able to see his son.
His second son has some developmental disabilities as a result of seizures after birth. He is special to Brian because of who he is, he is a perfect son. A son that will always need to be looked after with extra care. My heart broke when Brian shared with me that they (mom and dad) look forward to the day that they retire in an RV and travel around with their son. They want him to be as independent as he can, but they plan on caring for him for his whole life.
He has a beautiful little girl. She is lively and a promise to what the future holds for Brian. The promise of walking his daughter down the aisle on her wedding day. He will walk down that aisle with a look of pride and love for this little girl who grew up too quickly for his liking.
I am so proud of him for reasons I can't begin to explain. I am sitting here crying like a baby just because I have remembered so much of him. I love him as much as I possibly can. I have realized that I have loved him with the same unconditional love that I have for my own children. I love him.
I realize that God has that same love for me no matter what may happen in my life, God is there showing me unconditional love. I hope that Brian and his family always feel God's unconditional love, and you as well.
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