Twenty Years of Marriage

Twenty years ago today a pledge was made to remain married to another person till death do us part. There have been some great times, good time, so-so times and times when death of either of us would have been a blessing.

I know, that last part seems rather harsh, but seriously in what marriage hasn't there been a time when you really wanted out of the marriage. You were sick of your spouse, tired of the stress and certain you have made the worse mistake of your life. It is making it past those times that really make the difference in the longevity of your marriage.

I have no secrets on how to make a marriage last. I do however have a long list of mistakes that I have made over the years. There are times when he was at fault and there are certainly a long list of times when I have been at fault. But in the end, it doesn't matter who is at fault as long as we understand we are both just as responsible for the good times and the bad times.

Just the other day a couple of co-workers of my husband was discussing the 20 years that we have been married and the fact that we have a son that was born after we were married not before seemed like an odd position to be in. Can you believe we have come to a time in our lives that a long marriage with children born after the union would seem like an oddity?

We have two boys in their teens, one is going to be graduating from high school in a few short weeks. He is planning on attending college and at some time he will find a girl that he simply cannot live without and decide to marry her. I hope that he will have learned that no matter how horrible marriage may seem at times, it is best to spend time thinking of ways to stay together rather than finding the easiest way to get away from the marriage. I hope they both have learned that marriage still is a serious commitment and should not be traded in simply because for a period of time you do not like your spouse.

It is not uncommon for one spouse to not like their spouse for a time. In fact, it is very common to not like your spouse from time to time. The key here really is the fact that you will always love your spouse no matter what your daily opinion is of that person.

There are certainly nothing wrong to admit that marriage is hard. There is nothing wrong with saying that even if you love your spouse you don't always like them. There is nothing wrong with saying the 20 years has gone by both quickly and slowly at the same time. There is nothing wrong with hoping your children picked up on the message that no matter how difficult it has been that you have made that commitment to each other and to your children to stick it out.

I have lived with my husband longer than I lived with my parents. That in itself is a staggering thought. It is even more so when I look at the fact that my son is about to enter that category of life as well. It brings it into perspective once again. I hope we have set forth in our boys the significance of the commitment that marriage requires.

So as we get ready to celebrate the 20th year of our marriage I hope that others will see that marriage takes on all sorts of shapes and sizes and all should be celebrated.