Our Boys, Success in Education, Success in Life

Andrew was inducted into the National Honor Society in November 2011 at North Henderson High School. We are very proud of our son who seems to be able to understand and do well in his classes all throughout his school career. Even in high school, he has been able to remain at the top of his class and well, we would love to take all the credit, but we know that it is in no small part Andrew and the collection of great teachers that he has had the fortune to encounter throughout his educational pursuits.

Tony is in his second year of college at University of North Carolina Charlotte. He is mid-way through his sophomore year and is at a junior level standing in his Political Science and English double major with a minor in History. Yes, it is obvious that I am slightly proud of my son. Just this weekend we received notice that Tony was nominated for the National Society of Leadership and Success at UNCC. We are thrilled to know that our son, who has always shown leadership skills even way back in first grade is being recognized for this natural quality.

I just wrote in a previous posting about friendships and what the group of friends you hang out with in school says about you. Tony and Andrew have been in the midst of many different students and have had various interests in school. Both have shown leadership, compassion, intelligence, athletic abilities, dedication, loyalty, and humor. They have also demonstrated the ability to be human by making mistakes and learning from those mistakes. They are not perfect, but this mother feels fortunate that their less than perfectness has been so very mild compared to the problems and situations others have experienced. I know that we (dad and I) have been instrumental in this role of raising these boys to turn out as well as they have, but I also know that it has a lot to do with the role Christ has in their lives as well.

My college aged son, Tony started going to church while at school, reading his bible, and posting bible verses to remind himself of what he needs to do to remain on the right path. Did I mention he is doing this not because he was forced to by parents but because he wants to?  Yeah, that is incredible and wonderful and humbling. This young man has the opportunity to drink alcohol and do whatever else he wants as he is away from home and yet, this is the life he chooses to live.

I am not putting the boys on a pedestal. I know all too well the truth of my boys. Just ask me about the van, December 23, 2011, and the long in coming truth, taking responsibility, and influencing younger brother in the wrong manner in which to go. (Sounds bad huh? it was really only side-swiping the guardrail on a very curvy mountain road, which could have been very dangerous and deadly, not admitting it, telling younger brother to not tell, and being mad that he was caught). Dad and I had not been upset when the van had been involved in a previous accident to the tune of $14,000 and gave no cause for the situation that happened, yet our son made a mistake in hiding from the truth. The fact that both of my boys were alive matters more than the damage a side-swipe caused. Hopefully the boys will remember this point and find that the truth of the situation is more important because their lives are more important than a vehicle.

Anyways, we are proud of our children's success in education but more importantly, we are proud of our children's success in their lives, particularly their life with Christ.

Taking care of the written word,
Dannielyn

Friendships, choosing wisely and avoiding foolishness

Yesterday at Biltmore Baptist Church East Campus, the second relationship discussed was of friendships. Pastor Frank started off by talking about the cliques in high school, you know druggies, jocks, brainiacs and so on. He discussed how we are not far from these groups even out of high school. For example, if we hung out with the druggies in school chances are we still were with those types of people. If we enjoyed the company of the jocks, we were still doing sports as we aged. If we hung out with Christians, most likely we were still with Christians. Sounds good so far.

Proverbs is full of words of wisdom on how to develop relationships specifically friendships. One thing that caught me in the message was Pastor Frank's admission that often those who leave you most vulnerable in times of trials, tribulations, desperation, and when you make a mistake are the 'church' friends you develop. Yep, I know for a fact this is true. I have been used and abused by some of the most 'godly' appearing women. Here is the key to the problem, GODLY APPEARING WOMEN. They only appeared to have a heart for God. They only appeared to care about other women. They only appeared to want to be there for other women, until their needs were met or their patience wore thin.

Isn't that the truth of most Christian relationships? What can I get from this relationship? Whether a source for all sorts of gossip, assistance to make one look better in front the entire church for completing yet another daunting task, or simply to have another person in their 'clique', many of us have suffered through the pain of a Christian friendship.

How much hurt must one suffer through from your fellow Christians when you are already suffering? It seems that the pain and struggles from life is not enough to be able to rely on the support of your fellow Christian when they drop you as a friend without hearing the excuse "I am a saved SINNER". Well, here's one for the record books, so am I. Yet, I am struggling to overcome that excuse and build upon my weaknesses with the help of Christ. I do not wish to wallow in the 'saved sinner' excuse but to become a child of God, worthy of love, acceptance, grace, and mercy.

If we have no other reason to change other than we are saved, then why hang onto the saved sinner excuse. Why do we want to use that as a 'convenient truth' to excuse our behavior. I would rather hear someone say, "I am flawed in this area and I need you to hold me accountable as I hold you accountable". Is that not what the word of God tells us to do? He does not tell us to make excuses but to hold ourselves to a higher standard of living. He tells us to hold our fellow Christian to that same standard in the context of accountability with another Christian. This is not an excuse to blast all Christians with their sins, but to walk together with another Christian, two by two in order to be more than an excused 'saved sinner'.

The following verses will support this claim: Proverbs 13:20, 17:17, 27:10, 16:28, 17:9, 27:6-7, Hebrews 10:24, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, Thank you Pastor Frank for sharing these yesterday.

Friendships are difficult to begin and even more difficult to continue due to our sinful nature. It is with the encouragement and honesty of a fellow Christian friend we find our friendship grow and develop. Never more true is this when we fail to find that Christian friend with a desire to give of themselves for the furthering of God's will.

Taking care of the written word,
Dannielyn

Honor Your Parents, Clearing Up the Confusion

Our family attended the first service of Biltmore Baptist Church East Campus this past Sunday. We had been to the original Biltmore Baptist, but not since Pastor Bruce Frank had become the new pastor. Pastor Frank was starting a new series on "The Five" Making your critical relationships work. The first of the five relationships to discuss was the parent/child relationship.

For many years I have struggled with many well-meaning but wrong Christians who believe that a child must take whatever crud a parent hands out in order to honor the parent. I had been told by three separate 'pastors' or religious leaders that honoring your parent does not mean putting up with the same crud all the time from your parents. Pastor Frank repeated that sentiment but he also backed it up with solid biblical teaching.

Honor according to the bible means to respect, revere or show reverence, obey, and having heavy/weight (in regards to the instructions they present to another person).

Honor DOES NOT mean grovel, desperately seek approval, does not mean to make yourself vulnerable to their hurtful ways, behaviors, or words, it does not mean to deny the wrongs they committed in your past in an effort to control you still.

In June it will be eight years since our family moved to North Carolina from our family and friends in Iowa. We had been attending a bible study that dealt with the hurts, habits, and hangups we received from our families. It was NOT A BLAME YOUR PARENTS FOR EVERYTHING type of study. It explained how one can learn from the hurts and move on with your relationships. Our family tried very much to do this with both sides of the family. I will not explain all the hurts that we experienced, but most Lifetime movies do not cover all the issues we have had to deal with in a week's worth of movies. The 'stuff' was severe and it was not only in our childhoods, but it was still happening. We decided that if we could not deal with the 'crud' still happening while we were minutes away from our families, then we would move to another state and hope the distance will assist the resolution of the issues.

Happily, some progress has been made, but sadly, not a whole lot with the most important relationship of my life growing up, with my mother. I will be honest, I could list page after page of all the things she did that I did not like, but let's face, my boys could do the same. I COULD ALSO LIST PAGES OF ALL THAT SHE DID RIGHT AND ALL THAT I RESPECT HER FOR, but sadly, only the negative things would be remembered by her if she ever saw it. She would not realize that I want a relationship with her but it cannot be toxic. It cannot be filled with guilt trips, silence, blame, bad mouthing, and lies. It has to be an honest relationship and it has to be a relationship that desires to move forward. At this time, it is not ready to move forward.

I am a very complex person and I know that very few people actually desire to find out more about me because that is human nature. Take what you see and do not bother to spend too much time investigating the truth of the person. One person may find me very funny and another very quiet and reflective. One may find me honest and another may find me holding back from them. It is because I have been hurt so many times, very hurt and no one cared to actually care about me.

This is not a pity party for me, I am simply stating that I do not believe anyone on this earth has a clue as to who I am and what I am about. Not my mother, not my father, husband, or children. No one has really made an effort to get to know me and that is really heartbreaking.

I am not in the midst of deep despair however, I know that fortunately or unfortunately as the case may be, God knows everything there is about me that the others do not care to know. He does not base his knowing on assumptions (rightly or wrongly assumed) but based on who I am in my heart.

That is why, I am putting myself out there once again to my mother and telling her to stop with the games, guilt, manipulation, and all the other things that have been going on for too long and get to know me. Find out why your games (literal games) on Facebook when you could have been talking to me upset me --like when you chose the facebook games over me to spend time with regularly. Why your forwarded emails about stupid stuff (send this out and you will get so much back in return emails) bothered me because you could have written to me or asked me about the boys and carried on a dialogue. Instead, a Christmas or birthday card with your standard guilt trip line was all we received.

I honor you mom because of all that you have done right in my life. The recipes you taught that my children love to this day, the skills and experiences you shared with me that made me love you so much are shared with the boys whether they realize it or not. However, I cannot allow the hurt to continue by making myself vulnerable to your hurt all the time.

Taking care of the written word,
Dannielyn